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Posts Tagged ‘critically-bashed’

Freddy Got Fingered (2001)

Wednesday, July 9th, 2008
Genres: Comedy
Countries: USA
Actors: Green, Tom | Torn, Rip | Thomas, Eddie Kaye | Williams, Harland | Hall, Anthony Michael | Davies, Jackson | Widdows, Connor | Taylor, John R. | Osborne, Bob | Gordon, George | Selmour, Ron | Neale, David | Heindl, Scott | Brown, R. Nelson | Gray, Allan
Directors:
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Tom Green plays Gord Brody, a slacker who dreams of becoming an animator for cartoon shows. He is forced to move back in with his parents, but then refuses to leave. Along the way, he sexually pleasures various farm animals, licks open flesh wounds, accuses his father of molesting his brother, goes scuba diving in a toilet, plays an organ with several sausages attached to it which are suspended in midair, and does a bunch of other stuff that is too insane, offensive, disgusting, or weird to be mentioned here.

Master of Disguise, The (2002)

Friday, March 21st, 2008
Genres: Comedy | Family
Countries: USA
Actors: Carvey, Dana | Esposito, Jennifer | Gould, Harold | Brolin, James | Spiner, Brent | McClurg, Edie
Directors: Perry Andelin Blake
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A sweet-natured Italian waiter named Pistachio Disguisey at his father Fabbrizio’s restaurant, who happens to be a member of a family with supernatural skills of disguise. But moments later the patriarch of the Disguisey family is kidnapped Fabbrizio’s former arch-enemy, Devlin Bowman, a criminal mastermind in an attempt to steal the world’s most precious treasures from around the world. And it’s up to Pistachio to track down Bowman and save his family before Bowman kills them!

Catwoman (2004)

Friday, February 15th, 2008
Genres: Action | Crime | Fantasy
Countries: Australia | USA
Actors: Berry, Halle | Bratt, Benjamin | Stone, Sharon | Wilson, Lambert | Conroy, Frances | Borstein, Alex | Massee, Michael | Mann, Byron | Smith, Kim | Heyerdahl, Christopher | Wingfield, Peter | McKenzie, Berend | Nelson-Murray, Chase | Petruzzelli, Manny | Reiner, Harley
Directors: Pitof
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Catwoman is the story of shy, sensitive artist Patience Philips (Halle Berry), a woman who can’t seem to stop apologizing for her own existence. She works as a graphic designer for Hedare Beauty, a mammoth cosmetics company on the verge of releasing a revolutionary anti-aging product. When Patience inadvertently happens upon a dark secret her employer is hiding, she finds herself in the middle of a corporate conspiracy. What happens next changes Patience forever. In a mystical twist of fate, she is transformed into a woman with the strength, speed, agility and ultra-keen senses of a cat. With her newfound prowess and feline intuition, Patience becomes Catwoman, a sleek and stealthy creature balancing on the thin line between good and bad. Like any wildcat, she’s dangerous, elusive and untamed. Her adventures are complicated by a burgeoning relationship with Tom Lone (Benjamin Bratt), a cop who has fallen for Patience but cannot shake his fascination with the mysterious Catwoman, who appears to be responsible for a string of crime sprees plaguing the city.

BloodRayne (2005)

Sunday, October 21st, 2007
Genres: Action | Fantasy | Horror
Countries: Germany | USA
Actors: Loken, Kristanna | Madsen, Michael | Davis, Matthew | Sanderson, Will | Chaplin, Geraldine | Kier, Udo | Meat Loaf | Paré, Michael | Zane, Billy | Rodriguez, Michelle | Kingsley, Ben | Shahlavi, Darren | Cueto, Esteban | Constantin, Madalina | Nane, Daniela
Directors: Boll, Uwe
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In eighteenth century Romania, Rayne, a dhampir (half-human, half-vampire), prone to fits of blind blood rage but saddled with a compunction for humans, strives to avenge her mother’s rape by her father, Kagan, King of Vampires. Two vampire hunters, Sebastian and Vladimir, from the Brimstone Society persuade her to join their cause.

Son of the Mask (2005)

Sunday, August 26th, 2007
Genres: Action | Adventure | Comedy | Family | Fantasy
Countries: Germany | USA
Actors: Kennedy, Jamie | Cumming, Alan | Falconer, Liam | Falconer, Ryan | Traylor Howard | Wright, Steven | Penn, Kal | Stein, Ben | Pickup, Brett | Callan, Peter | Lyons, Ashley | McDaniel, Wayne | Winton, Sandy | Massey, Rebecca | Longmuir, Issac
Directors: Guterman, Lawrence
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A cartoonist named Tim Avery loves his dog, Otis, more than anything in the world. But when Tim and his wife have a baby, Otis starts to feel left out. But then Otis finds an enchanted mask and plots to be rid of the baby once and for all, but is unsuccessful. Meanwhile, up in Valhalla, Odin is infuriated at Loki for losing the mask and orders him to go get it…

Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (2000)

Sunday, August 19th, 2007
Genres: Action | Sci-Fi
Countries: USA
Actors: Travolta, John | Pepper, Barry | Whitaker, Forest | Coates, Kim | Karsenti, Sabine | Byrne, Michael | Tessier, Christian | Landry, Sylvain | Tyson, Richard | Freeman, Christopher | Topor, John | Austin-Olsen, Shaun | Post, Tim | Pastko, Earl | Perron, Michel
Directors: Christian, Roger
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In the year 3000, man is no match for the Psychlo’s, a greedy, manipulative race of aliens on a quest for ultimate profit. Led by the seductive and powerful Terl (Travolta), the Psychlo’s are stripping Earth clean of its natural resources, using the broken remnants of humanity as slaves. What is left of the human race has descended into a near primitive state, believing the invaders to be demons and technology to be evil. After humanity has all but given up any hope of freeing themselves from alien oppression, a young man named Tyler (Pepper) decides to leave his desolate home high in the Rocky Mountains to discover the truth, whereupon he is captured and enslaved. It is then that he decides to fight back, leading his fellow man in one final struggle for freedom.

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)

Monday, May 7th, 2007
Genres: Action | Thriller
Countries: Germany | USA
Actors: Banderas, Antonio | Liu, Lucy | Henry, Gregg | Park, Ray | Soto, Talisa | Sandoval, Miguel | Chen, Terry | Cross, Roger R. | Holt, Sandrine | Bacic, Steve | Drummond, Aidan | Breker, Eric | Alcantar, Tony | Parker, David | Jacob, Josephine
Directors: Kaosayananda, Wych
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Jonathan Ecks (Antonio Banderas), an FBI agent, realizes that he must join with his lifelong enemy, Agent Sever (Lucy Liu), a rogue DIA agent with whom he is in mortal combat, in order to defeat a common enemy. That enemy has developed a “micro-device” that can be injected into victims in order to kill them at will.

Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, The (2004)

Sunday, May 6th, 2007
Genres: Adventure | Comedy | Drama
Countries: USA
Actors: Murray, Bill | Wilson, Owen | Blanchett, Cate | Huston, Anjelica | Dafoe, Willem | Goldblum, Jeff | Gambon, Michael | Taylor, Noah | Cort, Bud | Jorge, Seu | Cohen, Robyn | Ahluwalia, Waris | Koizumi, Niels | Wdowczak, Pawel | Gubler, Matthew Gray
Directors: Anderson, Wes
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Steve Zissou, sea-film auteur a la Jacques Cousteau, has reason to be melancholy: his partner has been eaten, perhaps by a mythic jaguar shark, his wife may be taking up with her ex-husband, a young man appears claiming Steve is his father (Steve hates fathers), his most recent films have tanked, he’s having trouble raising money for his venture to revenge his partner, and he’s attracted to a pregnant reporter who prefers the pretender. At sea, in pursuit of the shark, will he escape pirates and mutiny, forge the bonds of fatherhood, place his arm around his wife, find the monster of the deep, re-establish box office hegemony, and discover a reason to smile?

Gigli (2003)

Wednesday, April 4th, 2007
Genres: Comedy | Crime | Romance
Countries: USA
Actors: Affleck, Ben | Camilleri, Terry | Backus, David | Venito, Lenny | Silver, Robert | Martínez, Luis Alberto | Bartha, Justin | Lopez, Jennifer | Walken, Christopher | Giebenhain, Todd | Sites, Brian | Casey, Brian | Bradford, Les | Bonfadini, David | Ketchum, Dwight P.
Directors: Brest, Martin
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Gigli, a lowly and inept hitman, is assigned a job by the mob to kidnap a mentally retarded brother of a California district attorney. Gigli abducts the brother from his mental hospital and holds him hostage in his apartment. Ricki, a “lesbian assassin”, is sent to oversee Gigli’s job and make sure he doesn’t screw it up. Comedic high jinks ensue as the two go on the lam and start to fall in love.

House of the Dead (2003)

Monday, February 12th, 2007
Genres: Action | Horror | Mystery | Thriller
Countries: Canada | Germany | USA
Actors: Cherry, Jonathan | Leitso, Tyron | Howard, Clint | Grauer, Ona | Cornell, Ellie | Sanderson, Will | Okuma, Enuka | Clavell, Kira | Salomaa, Sonya | Eklund, Michael | Palffy, David | Prochnow, Jürgen | Byers, Steve | Durance, Erica | Stein, Birgit
Directors: Boll, Uwe
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This film is a prequel to all of the The House of the Dead video games. Set on an island off the coast, a techno rave party attracts a diverse group of college coeds and a Coast Guard officer. Soon, they discover that their X-laced escapades are to be interrupted by zombies and monsters that attack them on the ground, from the air, and in the sea, ruled by an evil entity in the House of the Dead…